Settling in at Home | My Cancer Journey


In retrospect, the month of April was a blur. Between selling our former home, purchasing a new home, and my transition to home hospice care, there was a lot to do and consider. Through the fantastic generosity of family and friends, along with a lot of effort from Lorie, amazingly everything went smoothly.

It was tough for me to be a spectator for most of the events mentioned above since I’m restricted from physical activity due to cancer invasion of my spine. As just one example, I’m not supposed to lift more than 5-pounds or risk further fracture.

Making matters worse, I still don’t look like a terminal cancer patient. Other than seeing the hospital beds in our house, I’m sure that some of the people helping us pack questioned why I wasn’t lifting a hand with the move. Whether this was true or not, it affected me emotionally by adding to my depression. I wanted so badly to help.

As mentioned in a recent tweet, what’s been my biggest surprise since being diagnosed with terminal cancer? The people you thought you could count on but were wrong and the people you least expected to be there but rose to the occasion. So, for everyone who contributed financially, physically, or otherwise during the process — thank you from all of us!

I am also frequently asked whether or not I will be receiving further cancer treatment. In this regard, hospice stresses patient “care” over “cure”. The goal is to provide comfort during the final aspect of life. Therefore, no — I will not be receiving further treatment, such as chemotherapy, radiation, or participating in clinical trials. My ideal scenario, as described by Dr. Robert M. Wachter in a recent opinion piece for The New York Times is “death with dignity and grace, relatively free from pain and discomfort”.

Fortunately, Humphrey did his best to reassure Lorie that he’d take good care of me as she returned to work after spring break. More comforting to her, however, are the weekly visits from hospice to monitor my vitals, change the bandage around my patient-controlled analgesia (PCA) device, and adjust my various medications as appropriate. I feel like we’ve made good progress in each of these areas over the past month and life is slowly returning to a “new normal.”

One remaining issue relates to sleeping through the night. The beds provided through hospice are adjustable and comfortable, but I tend to wake up in the early hours and then have trouble getting back to sleep. Accordingly, my nurse Linda suggested switching from Ativan (lorazepam) to Klonopin (clonazepam). Both medications are sedatives that can treat anxiety disorders, but they have differences in how long they work. Klonopin has a slightly longer half-life than Ativan, which may help me sleep through the night.

In other news, I decided to close my Facebook account this week (for a variety of reasons). Going forward, this blog and my Twitter account will serve as the best ways to keep track of my cancer journey. Sign up for new post alerts here using your email address to be notified each time there is a new blog entry.

Michael Becker and Humphrey

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